Re-Journey: Day 1

So here I am. 

This is quite possibly going to be one of my most honest posts. Mind you, all of my posts are honest, but this one is pretty open, even for me...
When I first started this blog, and when I first got back into P90X, I had this crazy momentum and motivation. I couldn't explain it, but the energy I had behind me was something like I've never felt before.
Then something happened. Well, a few things happened, one at a time.

First - school. With being close to graduation, I found I had less time to focus on "me" because I had to focus so much on assignments and tests.
Second - apartment hunting. I was moving from a house in one city, to a friend's place, to a new apartment. Everything was in upheaval, and chaotic. But I rolled with it, and settled into my apartment somewhat.
Third - Jobs. Jobs, jobs jobs... Every new grad's nightmare. Or joy, depending on how you look at it. The searching is the toughest part. Ups and downs, creating unbalanced emotions and a lack of free time. I worked at an (unpaid) internship for a couple of months. Then had to continue the job search, and got hired on with an awesome advertising agency as a Jr. Media Planner/Buyer - yay! :) I've been there for almost 2 months now, and am starting to feel a bit better, so the "job" excuse for slacking off in fitness is gone.
Fourth - Relationships. I find that when I'm dating someone, I tend to let my fitness time slide a little bit in turn for some time with the significant other. This is a big mistake, because it leads me down a road of self-hate. And if I can't love myself, I can't love anyone else/accept their love for me. Vicious cycle there, in the dating world...
Fifth - name any/every other excuse you can think of. I let all of these excuses determine my current state of non-awesomeness in the fitness area. You know what excuses are? B/S. It's true. My lack of energy is purely mental, and I could've always found the time to work out, but I didn't.

Looking Back...

In the past 6 months, I'm sad to say that I have gained almost 10 lbs (now currently weighing in at 133 lbs, standing at 5'8"). It's not a lot, and I know I'm nowhere near overweight, but I do not feel happy or comfortable in my own skin at the moment. Desk jobs tend to provide us with ample opportunity to form an ample bottom, and with an abundance of delicious indulgences that can be stored away in our desk drawer for mindless munching. *sigh*

Six months ago, I was between 120 lbs and 125 lbs. I was also starting to see a significant amount of definition.
I am not the type to post "progress pictures" of myself online, but for the sake of my own motivation - and to give myself a sense of accountability (even if only on this blog that barely anyone reads), I'm going to post my progress picture from 6 months ago when I was at my most physically fit self:

I'm not looking for attention or anything by posting this. Nor am I the "look at me I'm hot" type. Rather, it's a reminder to myself that I can be in better shape than I currently am. And this blog is essentially for me, even though I appreciate any of you who are reading... I also don't think that even in this picture that I was anything outstanding; there are many, many people who look ten times better than me. But for me, having been overweight most of my life (170 lbs at my heaviest, with 34% body fat), this picture above shows a big accomplishment for me. Having gone about things in the healthy way - instead of resorting back to my ways with eating disorders - was a big deal for me.
This is what I hope to will achieve again. It may take me a few months to get back to even just this, maybe even another 6 months... But I will do it.

Motivation is a funny thing. Progress is a funny thing.
When I first stumbled across this on my laptop when looking for my P90X videos, I felt really sad. I almost started crying actually. But then I thought about something... It's not unachievable. It's not impossible. Progress is not out of reach. I've been there once, and not too long ago, so I can be there again. And not only can I BE there, but I can go further.
It's all about how hard we push ourselves, and when we decide "enough is enough" when it comes to our bad habits.

So tonight marks day 1 of my re-journey. (Is that a word? Probably not. But that's alright. Another one for the Niktionary.)