Yesterday was Day 2 of my 30 Days of Yoga, and I took a gentle Hatha Yoga class at Yoga Tree - Midtown. The atmosphere was definitely very different from my first class at this studio (the Hot Yoga class), and I expected that. The room was bright, the shades were pulled up to let more light in, and the pace of the class was somewhat fast. The poses were challenging for me which I enjoyed, though any Yoga pose can be a challenge if you let it be. You only get out of it what you put into it.
That being said, I encountered something I've faced at other Yoga studios in the past that has usually deterred me from continuing classes there: I didn't like the teacher.
Now, it's nothing against her really... I mean, I'm sure she's a nice person but I don't even know the woman (I can't even remember her name), so I can't form a legitimate opinion of who she is. That being said, something about how she spoke and how she taught the class just didn't sit well with me. It's the little things in a Yoga class that stand out in your mind, and for me these things weren't in line with what I wanted. She almost gave off that elitist Yoga attitude (probably not even intentional), and that's not something I enjoy in the least bit.
I found myself about halfway through silently wishing for the class to hurry up and end.
I started to feel anxiety, and became very aware of noises in the hallway from people sitting outside waiting for another class to start. I could hear the "ding" from the elevator in the outer hallway. I could hear people shifting into their poses, and opening up their water bottles to drink. I had that feeling that I wanted to leave. I was feeling the "fight or flight" response, and wanted more than anything to "fly" out of that room and go home.
I get this feeling every day.
I sit at my desk thinking "okay, it's almost _:__ o'clock, it's just __ more hours until I can leave..."
I sit (or stand...) on the subway thinking "okay, just ___ more stops until mine..."
I walk places, past crowds of people, frustrated with how slow they walk, or how they cut me off while I'm walking...
I immediately stopped myself from thinking about all of this, and just took a deep breath. I wanted to take these classes for my well being, and I wanted to escape from the hold that anxiety has on me.
I took a sip of water, and I told myself "it's not the external situations that's bothering you, it's all in your mind".
I took another deep breath, held it, and released. I knew this class wasn't working for me, but I realized that what I was feeling was only my perception of the situation. It was just a room with people, and we were all bending and stretching into poses. The sounds I was hearing were always there, whether I noticed them or not, and the only difference was that I was allowing myself to lose focus on the task at hand and be distracted by things that didn't matter, and things that I couldn't control.
So I persisted.
I focused on each pose, albeit wobbly, and went deeper into each stretch. I took deep breaths in through my nose, and released the hold on my lungs to let the stale air out. I continued on with the class right until the end, and took the few moments while rolling up my mat to silently thank myself for staying.
I was happy that I didn't give up, and that I persisted.
Time will pass.
Not all situations in life will be favorable, but that doesn't mean you should spend that time wishing for time to pass. Time is such a precious and fleeting "thing", and it passes at the same speed whether we're miserable or enjoying it. I want to spend my time here being IN the moment, instead of looking back at my time on this earth with a sense of longing for more of it because of all the wasted and unappreciated moments.
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