I've done Yoga once since my last post - and it was really difficult for me.
It was a Hatha class at Yoga Tree, and with a same teacher who I've taken a class with before. (Previously the Restorative Yoga class.)
I really like her teaching style, but for some reason the class wasn't working with me. It's nothing to do with her, she's great! It's not even Hatha - because I've always preferred Hatha classes among others (except Hot Yoga. All time fave!). I actually left the class feeling pretty bad, because I was struggling and stumbling, and couldn't wipe the frustrated look and emotion off of my face no matter what I tried.
It's because of my own mind.
I came to the mat feeling very frustrated and imbalanced in every aspect of my life.
Your practice is influenced by your day, your mood, and your state of mind.
This couldn't be any more true. I was in such a horrible mood, and even though I wanted to focus on the postures, and flow through them - I couldn't stand up straight; my shoulders were hunched, my eyebrows were tense, my legs were wobbly, light twists hurt my stomach and spine, chair pose made my legs feel like they were going to collapse, even corpse pose and child's pose wasn't working for me! (How can I screw up those last two?! Really...)
I was just completely off in all respects. I layer there in corpse pose and I almost started crying. Actually, full disclosure: I did cry a little bit. Everything felt so off balance, and I hate when I feel like that. I understand that there's an ebb and flow to life, and the worst times are there to make us appreciate the better times - but this was too much for me.
I've been feeling really drained in all aspects of my fitness regime. This is why I was getting back into Yoga - I felt that I needed to focus my mind and body, and get a good stretch and workout in the process. It's a win-win really.
This class taught me that I need to really re-evaluate the aspects of my life that are bothering me. I've become a push-over in some situations that I won't go into detail of on my blog... But I'm learning that instead of sitting and bottling it all up for the sake of saving face, I need to stand up for myself. I'm a person. I'm not a pushover. I'm not someone who can take shovels and shovels of garbage from people, nor is anyone else. We're all just people. No one is any better than anyone else, so for someone to have the misconception that they can treat me a certain way due to their status or whatever beliefs they have in their head is a sad thing. Sad for me - because I have allowed myself to have it impact my health (dear stress levels and anxiety - go away!), and I have allowed it to impact my sense of self. I've put myself down so many times in the past year or so - just when I was starting to build myself up, too. I've allowed myself to be treated as though I'm lower than others just because I was making a change and "starting at the bottom" again. Well, when you start at the bottom and are pushed to stay down at the bottom - something magical happens. You realize that the only place you can go is UP, and you realize that you're worth more than all of the negative that suffocates you.
This class helped me focus on a lot. Maybe I really did need this bad experience to open my eyes to what's around me. I am very grateful right now for what I've learned. That teacher will never know that she played such a pivotal role in my being right now.
Today was a Hot Yoga class at Yoga Tree Midtown, and it was great!
There's nothing like a good sweat and stretch at 6:30 in the morning! ;)
It was a challenge to get up early enough, but I managed - and I'm thankful I did. The teacher of this class was great, and I didn't realize she was teaching this class - but it was none other than Jennifer Nicol, who's quite the inspirational woman in terms of health and fitness! So it was an honour to have been to one of her classes. :) There was a high energy, challenging poses, intense heat in the room (which after a long winter, I'm loving!), and I left feeling great.
The thought for this class was "Strength", and was very fitting. It took strength to get up early, strength to go through the poses, and it's always important to have strength and not give up when you feel like you can't do something the "right" way. I found the mental and emotional strength to not get discouraged, and to not push my body past what was feeling right at that moment in time.
I've had those times where I try to push myself past the point that I can handle, and I've injured myself because of that. So today, I put in a strong effort, but kept my mind strong as well.
Everything in life is a learning process, and staying strong and persisting, while being kind to yourself - is a very important thing.Strength isn't just about the physical, but it's about the mental and spiritual as well. All three are connected. You can start any physical activity you want, but if you don't have the mental strength to stick to it and work through weaknesses, you won't get very far.
Speaking of strength...
After the class, I had some time before work, so I went to the gym. I gave myself some time to do some work on my back (and a bit of biceps, triceps, and shoulders).
Then, after a quick shower, I was off to start my day feeling refreshed and energized! What a great way to start the day...
"You can't always get what you want, but you get what you need."
Today was another Hot Yoga class - but with a cooler temperature and more of a focus on stretches and twists rather than a continuous routine. It felt like an instructional class rather than "Yoga", but the teacher went into great detail about specific moves and how to get the most out of them.
Normally, I'd go into a Yoga class with the expectation that there will be some music, and then we go into a sequence of moves, and then it's done. The format is similar in all classes I've taken, even though each class has been different over the years. I've come to expect this as the norm for Yoga classes.
This class reminded me of what we want in life, and how sometimes we go into situations wanting specific things. Or, if not wanting, we come to expect them. But what happens when things don't turn out the way you expect? Well, that just means they turn out differently. And guess what - sometimes, it turns out to be something you needed more than that thing you wanted.
This class was exactly that for me. Today, I was really sore (and still am!) from the last two days of Yoga. It's movement that my body is unfamiliar with, so I'm feeling it now. Today as I sat at my desk and clicked "book" for the 5:45pm class, I got worried that I wouldn't make it through each sequence of the Yoga class. I knew I wanted to go, I was excited... But worried that it wouldn't be comfortable for me. I felt like I needed a day of break and stretching out tense muscles.
The funny thing is that this class gave me exactly that. It was a workout still, and I put effort into it, but it was also a great one for loosening up my body.
This element of trying things anyway, and not getting what you want or expect, can lead you to finding things that you really need.
Now here's a little happiness for your ears in light of this lesson... Have a beautiful day.
Yesterday was Day 2 of my 30 Days of Yoga, and I took a gentle Hatha Yoga class at Yoga Tree - Midtown. The atmosphere was definitely very different from my first class at this studio (the Hot Yoga class), and I expected that. The room was bright, the shades were pulled up to let more light in, and the pace of the class was somewhat fast. The poses were challenging for me which I enjoyed, though any Yoga pose can be a challenge if you let it be. You only get out of it what you put into it.
That being said, I encountered something I've faced at other Yoga studios in the past that has usually deterred me from continuing classes there:I didn't like the teacher.
Now, it's nothing against her really... I mean, I'm sure she's a nice person but I don't even know the woman (I can't even remember her name), so I can't form a legitimate opinion of who she is. That being said, something about how she spoke and how she taught the class just didn't sit well with me. It's the little things in a Yoga class that stand out in your mind, and for me these things weren't in line with what I wanted. She almost gave off that elitist Yoga attitude (probably not even intentional), and that's not something I enjoy in the least bit.
I found myself about halfway through silently wishing for the class to hurry up and end.
I started to feel anxiety, and became very aware of noises in the hallway from people sitting outside waiting for another class to start. I could hear the "ding" from the elevator in the outer hallway. I could hear people shifting into their poses, and opening up their water bottles to drink. I had that feeling that I wanted to leave. I was feeling the "fight or flight" response, and wanted more than anything to "fly" out of that room and go home.
I get this feeling every day.
I sit at my desk thinking "okay, it's almost _:__ o'clock, it's just __ more hours until I can leave..."
I sit (or stand...) on the subway thinking "okay, just ___ more stops until mine..."
I walk places, past crowds of people, frustrated with how slow they walk, or how they cut me off while I'm walking...
I immediately stopped myself from thinking about all of this, and just took a deep breath. I wanted to take these classes for my well being, and I wanted to escape from the hold that anxiety has on me.
I took a sip of water, and I told myself "it's not the external situations that's bothering you, it's all in your mind".
I took another deep breath, held it, and released. I knew this class wasn't working for me, but I realized that what I was feeling was only my perception of the situation. It was just a room with people, and we were all bending and stretching into poses. The sounds I was hearing were always there, whether I noticed them or not, and the only difference was that I was allowing myself to lose focus on the task at hand and be distracted by things that didn't matter, and things that I couldn't control.
So I persisted.
I focused on each pose, albeit wobbly, and went deeper into each stretch. I took deep breaths in through my nose, and released the hold on my lungs to let the stale air out. I continued on with the class right until the end, and took the few moments while rolling up my mat to silently thank myself for staying.
I was happy that I didn't give up, and that I persisted.
Time will pass.
Not all situations in life will be favorable, but that doesn't mean you should spend that time wishing for time to pass. Time is such a precious and fleeting "thing", and it passes at the same speed whether we're miserable or enjoying it. I want to spend my time here being IN the moment, instead of looking back at my time on this earth with a sense of longing for more of it because of all the wasted and unappreciated moments.
This isn't quite food related, but I'm working on another blog project. It's more in the direction of writing and motivation, and general thoughts along the way.
I'll have more recipes and food stuff posted here soon though! Time to make some positive changes in my life, and this reflection blog is part of the process.
I was also testing out Ad Sense ads in my blog - but it just got annoying to see them... So they're gone! :)
The Toronto event is the weekend of August 18th-19th.
Guess who's doing it? *drum roll please*
This girl, right here.*points to myself*
What is the "Tough Mudder" you ask? Well, on their website it's described as:
"Probably the toughest event on the planet."
That is a pretty bold statement, so let's take a quick peek at some of the obstacles in this event:
Arctic Enema (not what you're thinking... Though I'm sure it feels just as uncomfortable!)
Berlin Walls
Boa Constrictor (on your belly, soldier!)
Cliff Hanger
Dirty Ballerina (no, you don't have to wear ballet shoes...)
Electric Eel (yes. In water.)
Electroshock Therapy (you read correctly.)
Everest (climb it.)
Fire Walker (!!!!!!!!)
Funky Monkey (this is not as cute as it sounds people!)
Twinkle Toes (I repeat: NOT as cute as it sounds!)
Hmm... The list not enough? Go take a look at what the Tough Mudder is all about on their website! There are "25 military style obstacles" in this event, designed by British Special Forces. 10-12 miles.
Here's a video talking briefly about the Tough Mudder:
In fact, here's a video from the Tough Mudder that took place in New England on May 5th-6th:
All I can say to this is WOWZERS!
My story:
Originally, I had wanted to do this. It's been on my Bucket List, along with sky diving and backpacking across Europe...
My only problem: I didn't have a team. For this type of an event, a team is probably the one thing that will help you finish the event in one piece. Having your team members there for you to help you get up the massively insane walls, and pull you along if you feel like you can't make it... This is important.
While on Facebook, a friend messaged me and informed me that a group had signed up as a team, and then asked if I had wanted to register and sign up with their team. I didn't even have to think about it for a second before I said "YES!"... I promptly registered on the website, paid the fee, and clicked "register". Then, I received the confirmation email.
A day later, fear set in.
I thought to myself: "self, what the heck are you doing?!? You can't do this! You're the awkward clumsy chubby kid that can't even run for 2 minutes without having an Asthma attack!"(Funny, I'm still awkward and clumsy, but I'm not quite chubby anymore, and I haven't needed an inhaler for "Asthma" in about 1 year... Yet my mind still goes there!)
My biggest fear with this is that I won't be physically, or mentally, prepared for this. This is an INTENSE event! I'm not out of shape or anything, but I'm also not perfect - or even at the fitness level that I'd like to be at. So how is someone such as myself going to participate in this?!
With all of the random changes that have been taking place in my life, and my realization that life really IS short and SHOULDN'T be wasted, I decided that I'm going to live a life of trying new things, and taking chances. I'm doing this event to prove to myself that I can. I need to start checking stuff off of that darn Bucket List, because I'm not getting younger! Sometimes, we need to step back and evaluate our lives, and give ourselves goals to work towards that will truly challenge us. And this, folks, is a hefty challenge!
How am I training for this?
After today, I have 78 days to train. That may seem like a lot of time, but it's really not, especially when you consider that there are other things in life aside from training for an event. (Hello there post-graduate job-searching, I haven't forgotten about you...)
I had been doing P90X for almost 9 weeks, but took a break from the structured schedule for a few weeks. Still using weights at the gym, and taking up cycling again, allowed me to keep in shape. In the past couple of weeks, I've been taking the workouts from P90X and bringing them to the gym with me. Since being able to use the heavier weights at the gym, I've noticed a BIG change in my arms in terms of muscle mass and definition. (Yay!) Anyways, here's what my schedule will be like for the next 78 days:
P90X - About 1 week ago, I introduced the full videos back into my workout routine. Legs & Back - DAMN it's a good workout. Ab Ripper X - I didn't miss it, I hate it, but it's the best I've ever had. I will be using P90X back on the standard schedule again as a main part of my routine; however, I will be taking a majority of the workout lists (such as the Shoulder-bi-tri workout) to the gym with me instead of doing it at home. Nothing has ever worked my body like P90X, and there's a good chance that these workouts will stay with me for a long, long time.
The Gym - In addition to P90X, I have my specific rotation of equipment/exercises that I use at the gym: rowing, back extensions, hip abductor/adductor, triceps, lat pull downs, hitting the punching bag for 45 minutes, etc.
Yoga - I've had an on again/off again relationship with yoga for many years... In the past, I've gotten to the point of flexibility where I can place my ankles behind my head and resemble something that's similar to a pretzel. I've also been at the point where no matter how hard I try, I just can't touch my toes if my legs are straight. Since re-introducing yoga into my routine on a more regular basis (I try to do yoga at least 4 times per week), I have seen a major increase in my flexibility. Also, doing yoga at the end of my workout has given me this amazing calming feeling to accompany that endorphin-high. I've also found that yoga helps with muscle pain, which is something that really hinders my motivation to keep workout out. "Oh, my achy muscles... I'll just take an extra rest day..." Finally, the best part of adding yoga into my routine - it teaches you how to breathe through anything! You really put your mind in a different place when you focus during yoga, and that's something that will help anyone doing this event, or anything else for that matter...
Cycling - I've found that cycling is addictive. There's this wonderful rush that I get when I go on a ride. My longest ride so far was from my home in Toronto to Oakville, and then back home. The total ride was 50 km. I was sunburned like you wouldn't believe (I'm fine now), and I was exhausted because I've never gone that far before, but it was amazing! I was on cloud 9 for a few days afterwards. A few days ago, I did another 40 km ride across Toronto, which also gave me that same happy feeling. I try to get in between 60 km - 100 km per week now that the weather is better. The best part about it is that it teaches endurance, in my opinion.
Training Circuits - On the Tough Mudder website, they actually provide 3 different levels of training circuits. Starting this week, I will be adding these into my workouts. The three types are: Mudderling Bootcamp, Maybe Mudder Bootcamp, and the Tough Mudder Bootcamp. I plan on starting with the "Mudderling Bootcamp" for at least 2 weeks just to get the hang of it. If I find it to easy (haha), I will shorten it to 1 week. The "Maybe Mudder Boodcamp" I will do for a few weeks, and then move on to the "Tough Mudder Bootcamp". These are all functional workouts, and apparently prepare you really well for the obstacles in the event.
Diet - I've had a pretty healthy diet for about 6 months now. Prior to that, I've always tried to adopt the "clean eating" principle (thank you Tosca Reno). Being vegan, oddly enough, I've had MORE energy and stamina in my workouts than I've ever had in my life as an omnivore. The only issue I've faced is that I've never been a person who eats large quantities, so increasing calories is a big deal for me. I have no problem doing it, because I do enjoy eating, but it's the mental aspect for me. (Long story: Having dealt with eating disorders in my past, it's a lot to overcome when you acknowledge that you're eating way more calories than you have in the past. Also, a big thing is that when you're training and building muscle (and losing fat), you don't necessarily lose weight. In most cases, you even gain weight. (To put this in perspective, I'm 5'8" and have maintained a body weight of about 125 lbs - 130 lbs for a year or so...) As I've been training, even in the past 2 weeks, seeing my weight go from 125 lbs up to 128 lbs, I catch myself getting scared that I will go over my desired maximum weight of 130 lbs. Even though I know I'm not overweight (not even close to being overweight actually - and that it's muscle gain, not fat), acceptance of any gains is still an obstacle to overcome. Luckily, I've found so many strong and healthy women to look up to and be inspired by. A lot has changed in the past few years, and I've learnt that it's better to be "healthy & fit" than it is to be "stick thin".)
With all of this said, it's going to be an interesting couple of months! Giving myself this goal to work towards is pretty liberating. I'm excited, scared, nervous, excited... Did I mention I'm excited?! I've never, and I mean NEVER, done anything like this in my life. Even if I can't finish the event, I'll be proud of myself for trying. (Though let's be honest here, I'm going to finish that event!)
For a sense of accountability, and just because I want to look back on this 3 months from now and remember how I felt along this journey, I'm going to document my next couple months of training with schedules and updates of what I've done to prepare myself! So stay tuned for updates of my journey to the Tough Mudder!
