Yoga Lessons - Life Impacts Your Practice

Well, it's Tuesday July 1st. Happy Canada Day! :)

I've done Yoga once since my last post - and it was really difficult for me.
It was a Hatha class at Yoga Tree, and with a same teacher who I've taken a class with before. (Previously the Restorative Yoga class.)

I really like her teaching style, but for some reason the class wasn't working with me. It's nothing to do with her, she's great! It's not even Hatha - because I've always preferred Hatha classes among others (except Hot Yoga. All time fave!). I actually left the class feeling pretty bad, because I was struggling and stumbling, and couldn't wipe the frustrated look and emotion off of my face no matter what I tried.

It's because of my own mind.

I came to the mat feeling very frustrated and imbalanced in every aspect of my life.

Your practice is influenced by your day, your mood, and your state of mind. 

This couldn't be any more true.  I was in such a horrible mood, and even though I wanted to focus on the postures, and flow through them - I couldn't stand up straight; my shoulders were hunched, my eyebrows were tense, my legs were wobbly, light twists hurt my stomach and spine, chair pose made my legs feel like they were going to collapse, even corpse pose and child's pose wasn't working for me! (How can I screw up those last two?! Really...)

I was just completely off in all respects. I layer there in corpse pose and I almost started crying. Actually, full disclosure: I did cry a little bit. Everything felt so off balance, and I hate when I feel like that. I understand that there's an ebb and flow to life, and the worst times are there to make us appreciate the better times - but this was too much for me.

I've been feeling really drained in all aspects of my fitness regime. This is why I was getting back into Yoga - I felt that I needed to focus my mind and body, and get a good stretch and workout in the process. It's a win-win really.

This class taught me that I need to really re-evaluate the aspects of my life that are bothering me. I've become a push-over in some situations that I won't go into detail of on my blog... But I'm learning that instead of sitting and bottling it all up for the sake of saving face, I need to stand up for myself. I'm a person. I'm not a pushover. I'm not someone who can take shovels and shovels of garbage from people, nor is anyone else. We're all just people. No one is any better than anyone else, so for someone to have the misconception that they can treat me a certain way due to their status or whatever beliefs they have in their head is a sad thing. Sad for me - because I have allowed myself to have it impact my health (dear stress levels and anxiety - go away!), and I have allowed it to impact my sense of self. I've put myself down so many times in the past year or so - just when I was starting to build myself up, too. I've allowed myself to be treated as though I'm lower than others just because I was making a change and "starting at the bottom" again. Well, when you start at the bottom and are pushed to stay down at the bottom - something magical happens. You realize that the only place you can go is UP, and you realize that you're worth more than all of the negative that suffocates you.

This class helped me focus on a lot. Maybe I really did need this bad experience to open my eyes to what's around me. I am very grateful right now for what I've learned. That teacher will never know that she played such a pivotal role in my being right now.

Yoga Lessons - Just Let Go

Sunday June 15th was an intense Hot Yoga class.

Where to begin... There were dolphin planks, kicks/jumps while in downward dog, more planks, lots of twists, and a serious sweat! I loved this class - I'm a big fan of Hot Yoga, and I feel my muscles get an amazing workout in the hotter temperatures. And this teacher? Super high energy! She was like a Drill Sargent, but one that you actually like because she eats banana bread and is bubbly.

One of my happy-place moments was when we were breathing in corpse pose, and the teacher talked about letting go of thoughts. She said that it doesn't matter what you have to do later, or what happened yesterday, but just be here, right now.

I liked that. I know it's a simple thought, to be "in" the moment. But it's a golden thought to remember. My mind tends to wander a lot, and I often have a problem focusing on the task at hand, whatever it may be.

I spend many parts of my day thinking about what I have to do later, or things that have already happened. What does this accomplish though? I mean, really... Focusing on things that aren't happening right now is basically thinking about things that don't actually exist yet/anymore. They're no longer real.

So every time my mind started to wander, I just told myself "let it go" and focused on my breath. It was challenging, and it happened a lot... But I just kept repeating "let it go" over and over, until the pointless thoughts were gone. The mental to-do list will still be there when you're done what you're doing now, so why focus on it? Thinking about things that aren't happening right now prevent you from truly being in the moment of whatever you're doing. And as I've expressed in other posts, life is short. It's too short to think about a time that isn't even here when you have something you're experiencing right now.

This, this exact moment, is the only moment you truly experience. Pretty soon, the future will be in this exact moment - so think about it when it becomes the present. Don't dispose of something you have right now for something that doesn't exist.

Yoga Lessons - Gratitude for the Overlooked

[Late Post - Couldn't post on Saturday!]

Saturday June 14th was Restorative Yoga at Yoga Tree Midtown. I'll be honest, I was a little reluctant to take a restorative class.
Something happened though... As I was getting dressed, I moved my legs to put my pants on, and I felt just how tense my hamstrings were. There was no way I was going to be able to even attempt a downward dog and not fall over.
So - restorative it was, and for that I am grateful.
And the teacher of the class? Nothing short of amazing. She gave variations to poses, her voice was soothing, and the class had a lovely format. I was able to get deep into relaxing stretches, and give my hips and hamstrings time to really release any tension that had built up from the previous week. I needed that class, and it was the perfect thing for my body. 

The lesson for this class was Gratitude. 

How fitting. :)

As I was laying there, breathing deeply into my whole body - I thought about all of the things I should be grateful for. I found myself getting caught up in some unpleasant emotions about family, because in my childhood when we had to list things we were thankful for - I would have put my family at the top of that list.
Unfortunately, my family is no longer with me. I lost my mum when I was 14, and both of my grandparents when I was 13 and 15. I'll be 30 in a month, so that's been half of my life that I've been without them, and it hurts now just as much as it did back then - only in a different way.
I started to feel negativity wash over my body, and I hated the feeling. So I tried my best to turn it around. I reminded myself how grateful I am for having known my mum and my grandparents for as long as I did. There are people who lose their parents at a much younger age - and there are people who have much less than me... No matter how hard things get in my life, there are people who would look at my situation and think I'm silly for being sad.

I am grateful I knew my mum. She was a wonderfully imperfect and random woman, and a strong woman. I'm proud to have had her as my mum, and I know she would be proud of me no matter what turns my life takes. She was that type of person who didn't judge anyone. She accepted people for who they were. She made me feel so loved and cared for in the years she was on this earth with me. I am grateful to have felt that love, even if only for half of my life.

I am grateful for those in my life who care about me now. I am grateful for my dog, Buddy. I am grateful for a functional and healthy body. I am grateful for the opportunities I have been given in this life - even if I complain about them after the novelty wears off. I am grateful for every breath I take, because there are people who are breathing their last.

Life is so short... It is so fragile, and can slip away at any moment. This class gave me a gentle reminder to take a few moments each day, and count the blessings I should be grateful for.

Yoga Lessons - You Get What You Need

"You can't always get what you want, but you get what you need."

Today was another Hot Yoga class - but with a cooler temperature and more of a focus on stretches and twists rather than a continuous routine. It felt like an instructional class rather than "Yoga", but the teacher went into great detail about specific moves and how to get the most out of them.

Normally, I'd go into a Yoga class with the expectation that there will be some music, and then we go into a sequence of moves, and then it's done. The format is similar in all classes I've taken, even though each class has been different over the years. I've come to expect this as the norm for Yoga classes.

This class reminded me of what we want in life, and how sometimes we go into situations wanting specific things. Or, if not wanting, we come to expect them. But what happens when things don't turn out the way you expect? Well, that just means they turn out differently. And guess what - sometimes, it turns out to be something you needed more than that thing you wanted.

This class was exactly that for me. Today, I was really sore (and still am!) from the last two days of Yoga. It's movement that my body is unfamiliar with, so I'm feeling it now. Today as I sat at my desk and clicked "book" for the 5:45pm class, I got worried that I wouldn't make it through each sequence of the Yoga class. I knew I wanted to go, I was excited... But worried that it wouldn't be comfortable for me. I felt like I needed a day of break and stretching out tense muscles.
The funny thing is that this class gave me exactly that. It was a workout still, and I put effort into it, but it was also a great one for loosening up my body.

This element of trying things anyway, and not getting what you want or expect, can lead you to finding things that you really need.


Now here's a little happiness for your ears in light of this lesson... Have a beautiful day.

Yoga Lessons - Persistence and Time

Yesterday was Day 2 of my 30 Days of Yoga, and I took a gentle Hatha Yoga class at Yoga Tree - Midtown. The atmosphere was definitely very different from my first class at this studio (the Hot Yoga class), and I expected that. The room was bright, the shades were pulled up to let more light in, and the pace of the class was somewhat fast. The poses were challenging for me which I enjoyed, though any Yoga pose can be a challenge if you let it be. You only get out of it what you put into it.

That being said, I encountered something I've faced at other Yoga studios in the past that has usually deterred me from continuing classes there: I didn't like the teacher. 

Now, it's nothing against her really... I mean, I'm sure she's a nice person but I don't even know the woman (I can't even remember her name), so I can't form a legitimate opinion of who she is. That being said, something about how she spoke and how she taught the class just didn't sit well with me. It's the little things in a Yoga class that stand out in your mind, and for me these things weren't in line with what I wanted. She almost gave off that elitist Yoga attitude (probably not even intentional), and that's not something I enjoy in the least bit.

I found myself about halfway through silently wishing for the class to hurry up and end.
I started to feel anxiety, and became very aware of noises in the hallway from people sitting outside waiting for another class to start. I could hear the "ding" from the elevator in the outer hallway. I could hear people shifting into their poses, and opening up their water bottles to drink. I had that feeling that I wanted to leave. I was feeling the "fight or flight" response, and wanted more than anything to "fly" out of that room and go home.
I get this feeling every day.
I sit at my desk thinking "okay, it's almost _:__ o'clock, it's just __ more hours until I can leave..."
I sit (or stand...) on the subway thinking "okay, just ___ more stops until mine..."
I walk places, past crowds of people, frustrated with how slow they walk, or how they cut me off while I'm walking...

I immediately stopped myself from thinking about all of this, and just took a deep breath. I wanted to take these classes for my well being, and I wanted to escape from the hold that anxiety has on me.
I took a sip of water, and I told myself "it's not the external situations that's bothering you, it's all in your mind".
I took another deep breath, held it, and released. I knew this class wasn't working for me, but I realized that what I was feeling was only my perception of the situation. It was just a room with people, and we were all bending and stretching into poses. The sounds I was hearing were always there, whether I noticed them or not, and the only difference was that I was allowing myself to lose focus on the task at hand and be distracted by things that didn't matter, and things that I couldn't control.

So I persisted. 
I focused on each pose, albeit wobbly, and went deeper into each stretch. I took deep breaths in through my nose, and released the hold on my lungs to let the stale air out. I continued on with the class right until the end, and took the few moments while rolling up my mat to silently thank myself for staying.
I was happy that I didn't give up, and that I persisted.

Time will pass. 
Not all situations in life will be favorable, but that doesn't mean you should spend that time wishing for time to pass. Time is such a precious and fleeting "thing", and it passes at the same speed whether we're miserable or enjoying it. I want to spend my time here being IN the moment, instead of looking back at my time on this earth with a sense of longing for more of it because of all the wasted and unappreciated moments.

Yoga!

Back to the Mat! 

Yesterday, I went for my first Yoga class in almost a year. It was a Hot Yoga class in the "Fire" (I love that!) room - which I found fitting as I'm a fire sign (no, I'm not an astrology fanatic).

I decided to purchase a 30 day unlimited pass from Yoga Tree in Toronto, and I have a feeling this is one of the better decisions I've made for myself.

My mini-goal is to do Yoga every day for the next 30 days. Whether I go to a class every day, or practice at home and go to a few class sessions each week - I will achieve this! But my goal goes much deeper than 30 days...

Goals

I've felt like I'm at a stagnant phase in my life. I feel like I've lost a connection with myself, and the anxious stressful feelings that constantly plague my mind are getting old. I want to let them go, and I want to move past them. I know I have some deep thinking to do in terms of goals I have for myself, my career, and whatever else - but I need to approach this thought process with a clear mind. I guess you could say I'm doing a cleanse of the mind for a little while. 

There's so much focus on "cleanses" and "detoxes" with food, and people like to do these as the seasons change - but why not do a mental cleanse too? 

First Class Experience

I shouldn't really say this is my "first class", as I'm familiar with Yoga. However, I haven't been to a class since around this time last year. It was a Jock Yoga class, and it was phenomenal. I also used to do P90X Yoga on the regular. Mostly for fitness and flexibility though. I'm not sure why I didn't pick my practice back up, and I'm not sure how I lost it for the past year - but I'm happy to start back up. 

The studio was quiet, with very nice women working at the counter. They were friendly and welcoming, and I even had a nice chat with one of them while waiting for the previous class to finish. The atmosphere won me over instantly, because I've been to studios that give me that cold "clique" feeling that I remember all too well from my high school years.

I went for an 8:15pm Hot Yoga class, and surprisingly there was only 8 or 9 students. I'm not complaining though, because I didn't have that stress of rushing to find a spot where I wouldn't be kicked in the face during Downward Dog. 

The lights were dim, and the air was hot. I stayed in corpse pose until the class started, it was a beautiful feeling. I focused on my breath, and took some time to just let thoughts enter and leave my mind without any control. 

Class started, and it was a glorious sweat-filled hour of deep stretches, twists, and a move I've never done before! (Upward Facing Bow/Wheel Pose! I've never done this before, and was shown how to ease into it!)

Accomplishments

I know this seems like a small accomplishment to experienced Yogis, and to people who don't practice it may seem silly... But to me, it was about more than just the pose. It was about going into a situation and not thinking I could accomplish a specific task. I find this is a big roadblock for me in life. Whether it be in my career, with my fitness goals, or with anything really... I constantly underestimate myself and what I'm capable of. I look at other people who are finding "success", and who are happy - and I think "that could never be me".

But, with encouragement and knowledge - I took a chance, I attempted something I had not yet done before - and I saw success!
This class gave me the valuable reminder that my abilities are only as limited as I believe them to be. I needed this, and as I'm typing this, I feel like crying. It's not that I'm sad, but I feel a little more opened up than I did even just a few days ago. This one moment gave me access to a vision of reaching for things I previously believed to be out of reach.

For this, I am grateful. I know I will have good and bad moments during my practice, and I look forward to what I can learn from each and every one.